How I Survived Single Motherhood Working in a Restaurant
When I became a single mom in 2019, I had no idea how I was going to survive. When I chose to leave my partner, it was the best and hardest decision I ever made. My journey as a single mom became a time of healing and self discovery. Don’t get me wrong, there were many moments when I felt like I couldn’t make it. From trial and error, I learned to be a better person and mother. I hope with the tips I am able to offer, it will make a positive impact for single mothers, especially those in the restaurant industry.
Working evening shifts, weekends, and holidays can be challenging. Having to care for a child on top of that comes with added stress. I considered changing careers, but I wasn’t willing to risk starting from scratch because I needed to work. I remained a server, though it came with many hurdles. Over time, I was able to live a balanced and more meaningful life by following the tips listed below.
1. Set Boundaries
I let my management know about my situation without getting into too much detail. They were actually accommodating and understanding. I requested a fixed schedule and they were able to respect it. There were times when my work asked me to work on my days off because they needed a shift covered. I’ve learned to set boundaries and not over extend myself. I think it is best to do what works for you just as long as you don’t feel burned out. Listen to your body and most importantly, your mind. Emotional well being is just as important as your physical well being.
When I interviewed at other restaurants, I was also clear on the days I couldn’t work since I had to take care of my son. Last thing you want to do is work somewhere that is not flexible with your parenting schedule. Be honest and transparent from the get go because it will prevent stress in the long run. Setting boundaries can very well be implemented with family, friends, and coparenting. Utilizing this tip is powerful because you’re clear on your expectations.
2. Find Support
On many occasions, I felt alone in my journey. I was the only single mom in my social circle and I always felt like my friends truly didn’t understand my journey. I started to find different support groups on social media that catered to single moms. I also started to meet with other mothers in the restaurant industry and even today, I remain really good friends with someone I met at work. I was reluctant at first to ask for help, but sometimes you can’t do it all on your own. It’s okay to lean on someone for emotional support because true friends are there to lift one another.
Support can also extend through community. There are numerous food pantries and non for profit organizations that cater to single mothers. Most organizations do require paperwork, even then they are there to help in your time of need. Sometimes you won’t know what kind of support is out there unless you seek out the information. Check your local library, parks or community center for low cost or free child programs. Additionally, various restaurant organizations are on the rise and grants are available to those in financial distress on a first come basis.
3. Self Care
I’m not talking about the type of self care that involves getting your nails or hair did. This self care is much more deeper as it requires a cleansing of the mind. To get centered, put away the phone and do some meditating, breathing techniques, or write in a journal. The idea is to get rid of negativity and pent up stress. It took me about a year to really implement self care because I was constantly busy. Being in a people pleasing business can at times transcend to your personal life. By making time for myself and reducing social obligations, I was able to live a more balanced life.
As I explored past traumas and discovered what makes me, well me, I found what specifically makes me happy and what I enjoy doing just for myself. We live in a world where people are always sharing their ideas or opinions. Its hard to reduce the noise and listen to your needs. Whatever works for you at your pace is what matters, but to get to self care, you must listen to you.
I didn’t get to an immediate place of happiness by following these tips. The more I practiced it and made it a part of my routine, I was able to truly find myself. I am in a much better place today as I have improved along the process. I am more aware of my triggers, for example, whenever I feel stressed, I tell my 4 year old son that I need to take a time out. I either go to my room or bathroom and do some deep breathing exercises. On the other hand, when I feel stressed at work, I think about my smiling son, and get back on the floor. I’ve learned to nip it in the bud early on and find positive ways to manage my stress.
I own who I am now and have no shame of being a single mom. I know my truth and that is all that matters. I am the sole driver of my happiness.
